I Am a CUNT

cunt, cunt, cunt. Such an ornery word and it pisses off many people. I love it. Not because I'm an obnoxious brat, but because it is so powerful. Besides, its shock value provides plenty of entertainment.

As with any word, the power lies not within the word itself, but within the meaning behind the word and how it is delivered, interpreted and analyzed. Beautifully malleable. To take offense to being called a cunt is to take ownership of the negativity ascribed by the person uttering the word. Who has the power here? Obviously not you if you're taking offense. You are handing that power to the asshole who just called you a cunt.

Now...what if, hear me out, you took that word and owned it? Turned it around and gave it a positive context? Ha! Yeah right. "Cunt" is often deemed the most offensive word. Ever. How the fuck can it have anything positive behind it? Well, some personal history is necessary to effectively explain this.

I was raised in domestic abuse. I learned from day one to fear standing up for myself. As an adult, I followed suit and spent three years in an abusive relationship. That man was so far in my head that I was afraid to even think. I was mentally paralyzed and completely miserable. He called me a cunt and various other insults on a regular basis, which just happened to be anytime I did something he did not like. Anytime I stood up for myself, I was called a cunt. After hearing it enough times, I grew numb to the insults. Then I reveled in the ability to piss him off. Eventually I associated that word with being courageous, unapologetic and transcendent. It empowered me rather than offended me. I fucking owned that label.

Stating the obvious, I left him. Leaving is the easy part. The real strength comes in when you have to deal with the demons...their claws digging into you in the form of various mental triggers. You have to extract those claws, or resign yourself to a life as a victim. Yeah, I wasn't going for option number two. I channeled that "cunt" label and used it to take down any challenges that I created for myself. I started by taking my ex to court for custody of our son. I had the court order him to take a psych eval. Hell, I even subpoenaed his parents. I walked away from my house to get out of a shitty mortgage, and I went after a corporate job even though I'm covered in tattoos. Of course the anxiety was nearly crippling, because I was contradicting what I had known for so long. You know what? The world didn't fall apart. In fact, I came out on top in every single situation.

Regardless of previous experience with a word, person, place or whatever, it can't negatively affect you unless you let it. So take what life throws at you and turn it into something powerful. Even if you have to be a cunt. This doesn't mean stepping on people to get to the top. It means refusing to allow anyone, most importantly yourself, keep you in a situation that compromises your happiness. Courageous. Unapologetic. Transcendent.